In the early months of my first pregnancy I downloaded every baby app available. Like most moms I found myself on Baby Center’s forums soaking in all the information from the BTDT crowd. Not hip to the message board lingo? Neither was I and had to Google every acronym HA! BTDT is mommy slang for “Been There, Done That”. The cool moms. The moms who were laughing (not really, maybe really) at all the FTM (First Time Moms) funny questions about aches and pains. They gave the straight up reality advice –
FTM: “My back is aching, should I call my mid-wife?”
BTDT: “Suck it up, buttercup. Labor is going to be even more intense.”
HAHA, but really… they were the moms we looked to for advice, insight into our new life and support. Looking back, I realized I learned a lot… but I also stressed a lot. I was afraid to do a lot of things because X happened to username “MommyGiggles26275”. I worried so much over my future child because I ate a hot dog from our local chain restaurant. I wanted to try natural birth so bad, because … well I was a bad mom if I didn’t. I wanted to say ‘no’ to pain meds (even though I’m a pain pansy) because
everyone else was doing it. It was like Middle School pressure all over again.
My boyfriend (now husband), would find me in tears late at night from things I would read. He even forbade me from going on the app, but really… we all know that didn’t happen. I stressed out a ton from trying to have the perfect pregnancy, perfect child, perfect future that I didn’t let it just be. I didn’t live in the moment.
Late one night, after the birth of my precious baby boy… I realized that no one knows better for this child than me. That was saying a lot, since I was a FTM, but I knew that only I could decide what was best for him and for me. It was probably the sleepiness taking over, but that moment I deleted the app and all mom forums I was registered too. Don’t get me wrong – mom groups aren’t ALWAYS bad. I made lots of online mommy friends, but – for someone with a worry, compulsive personality – it was torturous.
So advice to my pregnant mama’s or FTM moms –
–Take those mom groups advice lightly. With the increase of internet use, there are a lot more trolls in the world. Internet Trolls (via Wikipedia): is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting quarrels or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, off-topic messages in an online community with the intent of provoking readers into an emotional response often for the troll’s amusement.
–Follow your gut instinct and don’t be afraid to contact your doctor or mid-wife with questions or concerns. I probably called our nurses hotline once or twice a week for the first few months!
–Practice safe internetting. Don’t give birth locations or social security numbers to strangers. (Yes, I’ve seen it happen!). Be smart about the information you share.
–You’re the mom. At the end of the day, no one is birthing this child but you! Talk to your partner and decide what is best for YOU and baby. Don’t let anyone ‘mom shame’ you for your choice (Especially if you Formula Feed! Saw that a lot too).
–Live in the moment… I repeat .. LIVE IN THE MOMENT. I look back at these photos and all the feels start to come back. I also realize a lot of the things that mattered then (stress about bottle feeding and potty training) really doesn’t matter now. No one is asking me in the school yard when my oldest started pooing in the toilet.
Go out and live! -S&J
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5 Comments
Kassi
August 17, 2017 at 2:09 PMCould this be any more spot on?! Mama shaming is the absolute worst! Mamas need support and encouragement not to be told the million and 8 ways they could potentially not mess up this tiny humans life. You are so right in saying that only you know what is best for you and your babe. This was a great read!
Halee Anthony
August 16, 2017 at 12:53 AMDead on! I was on those boards for my entire first pregnancy and they made me so nervous! Having recently had baby number four, I can see how silly some of it was. 🙂
Meagan
August 15, 2017 at 7:44 PMThis post hits the spot in my pregnancy that I am going through right now. Through one of the 5 apps that I downloaded, a Facebook group was started for moms all due in January 2018. It has been a great thing to talk about our symptoms together and share our experiences at BTDT moms plus I have been able to ask questions about things that I didn’t experience with my other kids but at the same time some of the advice people give just makes me shake my head and want to smack some moms through the computer screen. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone with how I feel about mommy groups.
Britney
August 15, 2017 at 7:37 PMGood post! I can relate! During my second and third pregnancies mom’s group were very popular and I spent a lot of time reading about other people’s experiences. I learned that everyone is different, no two pregnancies and deliveries will be the same. Moms should just prepare themselves for their own unique journey. Advice is fine, but ultimately, we need to do what we’re comfortable and confident with.
Lindsey
August 15, 2017 at 7:05 PMI cannot like this post enough! I feel like we are the same person. I had the exact same thoughts and feelings that you did and never knew what the acronyms stood for. I’m learning that as a mom we have to have confidence in our “mommy gut.” Thank you so much for sharing. It’s always good to know you’re not alone!